Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
you never un-have a 4some
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
