Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize