I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
