I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I deserve this hangover.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
