Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
