I want you more than these girls want KFC
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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