You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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