hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
