What did we do last night that was yellow?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize