He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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