stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
