My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
