I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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