Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sorry about my life...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
