Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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