And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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