I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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