she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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