if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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