I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
