Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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