she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
