Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
