u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
