You don't have asthma, your pregnant
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
