I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
