are you still at the devil's house?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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