I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
