you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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