How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
