maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
