Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
