When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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