I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
