A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
