I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
