i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
