it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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