Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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