Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
