guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
