Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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