hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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