Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize