Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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