Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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