Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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