Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
