I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
