just come out here and I will go home with you...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
