i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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