If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
