I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
