I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
