I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
