Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just found puke in my bra..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
