arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
