i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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