i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
