It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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