i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
