so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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