In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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