I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
