I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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