I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
