At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
