if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
