Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
