I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize