It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize