Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The air taste purple.
Randomize
