I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
