So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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