in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
