Will you blow on my dice?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
