I just cut my nipple shaving
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
my poor anus
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
