pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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