do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
