So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
