He felt like a one man threesome
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
