I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
